One day awhile back ago I did something that fills me with shame. I tarnished the trust between me and one of my teachers, and the worst part is that she didn’t even know that I had done so. She continued to trust me even though I knew that I did not deserve it. Right now the thought of it fills me with shame and remorse, but at the time, I didn’t care. I actually condoned what I had done.
I had sinned and I knew it. I didn’t care though. I couldn’t care less. This shocked me though. Never before in my life had I ever felt this way. Whenever I did anything ‘bad’ I immediately felt guilty. I made myself sick to my stomach thinking about it until I asked for forgiveness or somehow fixed the situation. This time though, was different.
I didn’t feel any of that, during or in the following days. It was as if nothing happened because I didn’t feel that I had done anything wrong, even though I knew that I had.
The truth is that our feelings are deceiving sometimes. Just because you don’t feel something, doesn’t mean that those feelings are the truth. Feelings do NOT always mean what you should be feeling. Feelings do NOT equal truth.
Sinning is not always going to feel bad. In fact, sinning can actually be enjoyable. Just read James 1:14-15
Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death. -James 1:14-15
Sinning comes from our own desires, so it’s not always going to seem bad. You trust yourself to make good decisions. Maybe you won’t think that you did something wrong due to this trust. However, God knows what you did. And God wasn’t pleased. God is very serious about our sins. They don’t seem okay to Him, and you can’t just brush them away.
Whatever you desire is directly correlated to your actions.
In my case, I desired a good grade. This desire directly correlated to my actions.
I wasn’t desiring to be a good Christian at the time and I wasn’t desiring to follow God and his principals, so my actions showed that. Your heart holds your desires, and those desires can’t stay hidden forever.
Ephesians 5:13-14 says;
“But their evil intentions will be exposed when the light shines on them, for the light makes everything visible”.
You can’t hide the condition of your heart forever. So, turn yourself over, turn your desires over to God. Get rid of your desires that don’t point towards Him. They lead to sin, temptation, idolatry. Nothing good can come from a heart that desires something other than God. Throw off your old, sinful nature and point your heart to Jesus. Let the Spirit renew your heart. Clothe yourself in this new nature. Be pure. Obey His Word. Don’t let your heart wander wherever it pleases.
With the Lord’s authority I say this: Live no longer as the Gentiles do, for they are hopelessly confused. Their minds are full of darkness; they wander far from the life God gives because they have closed their minds and hardened their hearts against Him. They have no sense of shame. They live for lustful pleasure and eagerly practice every kind of impurity. But that isn’t what you learned about Christ. Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from Him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God-truly righteous and holy -Ephesians 4:17-24
How can a young person stay pure? By obeying Your word. I have tried hard to find You-don’t let me wander from Your commands. I have hidden Your word in my heart, that I might not sin against You. I praise You, O LORD; teach me Your decrees. I have recited aloud all the regulations You have given us. I have rejoiced in Your laws as much as in riches. I will study Your commandments and reflect on Your ways. I will delight in Your decrees and not forget Your word. -Psalm 119:9-16